I had a rough week last week. And as always when life gets a little tough, God brings new insight with gentle convictions and something good from everything.
So with no further ado here is my vulnerable truth.
Our garage is almost 100 years old and the roof has been deteriorating for quite a few years, now at the point of needing to be totally rebuilt and replaced. Procrastination made it worse, not taking care of what was needed in the first place, but I won’t go into that part, for that only brings up bad feelings that are still working themselves out.
Our fence as well has been falling apart and needed to be totally replaced.
It’s June now and my pool is still closed (as you can see) which is my sanctuary each summer and I’m not happy about that. Can’t open it until the remaining garage tasks are completed. Everything is taking longer, turning into a bigger challenge, costing more money, and becoming quite overwhelming for me.
The yard is now a mess from all this construction taking place (which if you know me at all drives me crazy…I like things neat and tidy) and there are still more things we have to do, but the truth of the matter is there will always be that something “more” when you live in any home, especially one that’s almost 100 years old.
And all of these things are keeping me from enjoying anything and causing me great resentment, because I just want to go on a nice vacation with the Hubby, which keeps getting put off because all of these things cost a good amount of money.
So needless to say, I spent my week feeling angry, frustrated, and somewhat sorry for myself. Of course I was talking to God through all of this, except this time I wasn’t truly seeing or totally listening… or asking the right questions either. Asking Him why, why, why…is all of this happening all at once. Why do I have to keep spending money on this house instead of on a great vacation…which I so desperately believe I need!
Well, on Friday night I sat in tears with God and begged Him to bring me His peace, wisdom, and a new understanding to my heart. I didn’t like who I was being, nor how I was feeling. I knew it wasn’t right, wasn’t me, but for some reason I couldn’t get past it.
So I finally just said, “here God take it… I don’t know what to do with all of this anymore!” I’m tired and confused and lost. Jesus, please come get me!
I woke up on Saturday with an overwhelming peace and a whole new perspective. This is what happens when we truly give it ALL up to Him, but sometimes it’s just not that easy for us human beings.
The blessings are clear. First and foremost I have a lovely home and God has always provided all we need to take good care of the Little Somethin Place. All of these things are getting done with His provision, grace and mercy… and a whole lot of favor! I know He always has our back and best interest at heart, but don’t always see it when I get lost in myself.
More importantly though, the blessings in the lessons are what mattered most. Life was challenging every part of me; my patience, my trust and my character. I was certainly not getting A’s in any of these tests because I was only thinking about what “I” wanted and when.
As great as my Faith is and as much as I trust God, I still can caught up in the world, leaving those weak places in my soul open and vulnerable for Satan to enter. Instead of trusting God more, I let the world take over, getting lost in all those emotions that were blinding me from my foundation with Jesus as my friend and my savior.
He was right there beside me but I was straying away farther and farther. I wasn’t listening to what I already knew, I wasn’t seeing all the good He was doing because I was only focusing on what I wanted and how nothing was working out according to “my plan”.
God had a better plan in all of this. The roof is finished in less time than originally was quoted and we’ll move on to the rest of the unexpected finishing touches this week. The forecast of rain and storms never materialized and that is the amazing way He works.
The fence got done by the Hubby and help of a friend, saving us a great amount of money. The other things will get accomplished as well, as long as I just trust and let go… in total faith…this I know.
God gently convicted me this week and I am so grateful He did. He reminded me that I don’t have to carry any burden alone, do anything with only what I see and know, for He is right here walking with and beside me and life is so much easier when I totally trust and let go and we do it together.
I thank Him for these reminders and mostly for His patience, mercy and grace with me, as He took care of so many things I did not see in each moment and waited for me to take His hand and walk with Him again.
We all get lost sometimes in life, even when we don’t mean to. The beautiful thing about God is that He’s always there waiting for us to come back to Him, take the mess we created and turn it into something good, something better, something more than we could ever achieve on our own.
Things are already looking up this week, God is orchestrating all things to work together in ways beyond anything I could have ever planned on my own.
Patience, Trust and Gratefulness fill my heart…for I am walking with Jesus again!